Song: A Devil Between Us by Diplo
Svent: VILF~ Vampire smut: patchouli-infused honey, red musk, red sandalwood, red ginger, pink pepper, Peru balsam, dark Eastern florals, Himalayan cedar, smoky vanilla, bitter clove, and leather.
Last day it was strange because it seemed like I had been there for years yet no long enough at all. That morning I had to go see if I could book another night in my room. I almost wasn’t able to the motel was pretty full. But they did some moving around and I was able to stay there for another night for an extra $85. Yeah because I’m rolling in cash! Matt came to get most of my stuff since I wasn’t sure how much room Anne had in her car and it was sort of last minute I didn’t want to be too much of a burden. Matt showed up at 9am and was uber stand off-ish to me he took most of my stuff and when I told him that I’m very lucky I could stay at the motel because it was pretty full he just shrugged. Honestly it left me in a pretty pissy mood before the heading to Datura.
But while I was heading to Datura I was texting my best friend and as I was heading to to the studio a butterfly brushed past my right ankle. And the Butterfly symbolizes many, many things like: transition, dance, celebration, Soul, passionate bonds, and grace and eloquence. Just to name a few. So really that left me pretty hopeful for that day. Maybe not “pepped” but hopeful and got me out of my pissy mood. So while getting ready to go into the last day, the test day it was pretty good.
During morning check in I started I was hopeful and why. My poor “Happy” was so worried about the test since her English isn’t that good. That day it was also getting very very warm.
That day was really kind of a blur. I remember that we started doing call and response with the motifs we worked on the day before. Then there was an hour break before THE TEST. It was 14 questions 10 written and 4 demonstration. After all was said and done we all had to leave Datura so they could set up for the party.
As I was walking to the party after my shower and rest I ran into Allie who said I smelled really good. Pf course I did I smelled like Vampire Smut why wouldn’t I smell good? Then we got to the party and Lacy said someone smelled really good and Rachel’s comment was “It’s probably Em” yup because I smelled like vampire smut! After a little bit Happy told me that Rachel said she passed so I had to know if I did or not.
So we all circled around for the last time. Sol told us all to get a beer. Rachel said that not everyone got 100% on the test but we all passed. Then she put on the Linus and Lucy song for our victory dance. It was so much fun. I think I had 3 ‘glasses’ of wine. And we all had to leave about 11pm. Sad but understandable. So I walked back to the motel and passed so I could get up and Anne could take me home.
That was the end of a life changing week. Well only 5 days but still. Life changing all the same. Getting back to the real world had been strange but that’s another post.
I just set up my drivers test for Aug 17th at 10:40 am. 🙂 Wish me luck
I will look at this Contract at least once a Day.
Short Term Goals:
Mid Length Goals – To be started October 1st 2011 till Jan 1 2012
Long Term Goals Now till Aug 2012
Song: Linus & Lucy from The Peanuts
Scent: Supportive Sun~ Heliotrope, amber, almond flower, frangipani, cedar, and calamus
Even after my ‘pep’ talk phone call I was still feeling like I was drowning. I even said that during my one word check in that morning while trying not to cry. That was a hard day. A lot of us were tired and crying on the phone to my Twin the night before telling him that I couldn’t finish the workshop didn’t help any less with the tiredness. But I needed the phone call or I would have done something stupid. I was about to do something stupid right before he called. He tried but I just couldn’t get “pepped” mostly it was because I thought I sucked at dance and didn’t belong in the workshop. I was sure that that would have been my last day of the workshop and I just wouldn’t go to Datura on Saturday.
Rachel started talking to us about improvisation. And well even though no one was looking at me I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t dance in a room full of people and not other dancers. Rachel then split us up and we had to pick a partner then one partner danced and the other watches. I almost didn’t dance when it was my turn it was hard not to start crying, but I did dance by myself. After that Rachel talked to us about dancing inprov to drum solos, then told everyone that, it was my first time dancing along in front of people so the WHOLE class gave me a hug. Of course that made me cry. And “Happy” gave me many hugs and kisses. I miss her. Then Lunch went and had lunch at the food carts with Tabra. I love Portland for that reason. And thai iced tea with coconut milk? *drools*
We warmed up to Linus and Lucy. Rachel had us do that last year in Costa Rica, so Sonia, Happy, Shanti and I all knew what was going on before she put on the music. But it was fun and we all laughed. So no matter what when I hear that I picture a bunch of belly dancer dancing in a circle, laughing and giggling. Then we worked on making 8 count motifs and joining them with someone else’s, I paired up with Anne. Then Rachel gave us a foot pattern and we made up arms. I really like Rachel’s “Staking Method”. Sometimes it makes me feel like I should be on the short bus but other times it clicks.
I also found out at that day at 1pm that Matt couldn’t get me after the party on Saturday. So I either had to book another night in my room or find a place to crash. He also didn’t want to pick me up on Sunday because he wanted to go to Church before work rather than getting me or that he worked at noon and just didn’t want to come and get me that early. So I had to scramble to get a ride home. Thankfully Anne lives in Eugene and she said she could give me a ride home since it’s not that far out of her way.
So I danced in front of people. The most terrifying thing I have ever done in my life.
Song~ Anything by Tom Waits
Scent: Ice Queen~A majestic blend of precious pale musks, brittle winter blossoms, spruce, and frozen winter fruits.
Smooshing day 2 & 3 together because we didn’t get done till laaate on day 2.
So day 2 I wake up feeling like day 1 was just a dream and didn’t really happen. Then I think to myself “Did Rachel Brice really ask me about my sex life yesterday?” Day 2 we worked on lateral bends, oh the soreness, but it was awesome. Then we learned Baladi and Sai’idi.
After that Rachel made us start doing her “Stacking Method” it’s pretty cool to create patterns and combinations. As I was working with Shanti on our little phrase Rachel was walking around watching us and knowing I’m being watched I mess up. So while walking around she hid behind a Oriental rug that hands on the west wall and peeked over a bit. Then she got behind the rug and walked the length of it the rug to peek over the other side it was like a little kid. It was SOOOOO cute, after that it was Yoga then a 90min dinner. A group of us were going to go to Tai place but it’s a tiny place so it couldn’t hold all of us and get us fed in 90 mins. So we walked to some of the food carts. My anxiety started acting up so I had iced tea for supper. After Tabra ate I want with her to find whole foods, I was talking to her about Matt, and how sadly he doesn’t know how to be an adult because he never had to. And that his mom is still doing things for him. Like cleaning the bedroom that he moved into. Tabra said something pretty harsh something about how h is mom screwed him over now he can perform in bed.
Then it Costuming Café. This wasn’t a “How to” on making costumes it was more of where Rachel gets her inspiration and what are resources that people can do to create their costumes, like places for fabric and kuchi pieces. We didn’t end till like 10:30 I started walking back to the motel while texting my Twin. But since I don’t like walking and texting at the same time so I stopped and texted and that’s when Lacey and Allie came up and we walked together since they are staying at a place close to mine. I was able to hold my anxiety in all day until I got to the motel and just had a good cry.
Woke up early again and didn’t want to get out of bed. But I got a phone call and pep talk while eating breakfast. Everyone seemed very tired, mostly mentally tired but still tired. We worked on lengthening the spine. It was pretty mellow and not nearly as bad as the day before. After lunch we did a “pop quiz” there were only 4 questions and I still freaked after the quiz it was more Zills (finger cymbals) learned 2 more patterns. While working on Zills Rachel shared a rather embarrassing story with us. Oh it was so funny.
Then we needed to work on more stuff on changing up choreography and I started getting an overwhelming feeling of dread. It was just horrible. We did hip work in our yoga major work and I felt it. I kept seeing myself in the mirrors at Datura and just felt disgusted at what I saw. Luckily we had to end early so I headed back to my room. While walking back I was realizing this was so stupid for me to sign up for this workshop, even thought about giving up dancing. I got some sweet texts by my Coven members. I love them all so much.
I am just feeling like I’m drowning at the moment. I will swallow if it will help my sea level go down but I am not sure if my sea level will go down but one more drop and i will drown. So I think I’m going to finish my Tension Tamer tea, take a shower and go to sleep. Just feeling so helpless at the moment.
Song: Little Booty Girl ~ Thunderheist
Scent: Swank ~ Simply cool, the essence of Lounge: the scent of a crisp pomegranate martini.
Day one of 8 Elements, this was the “easy” day. I hear the 8 Elements puts the INTENCE in Intensive. That makes my anxiety act up and it’s only day one.
Really makes me worry about what I have gotten myself into. As I sit here in my cheap motel whose internet is worse than MINet. I’ve already done most of my homework. There are about 20 people in the class and it’s at Datura. It has an amazing feeling, and of course Rachel and Sol are so wonderful. There are women from all over the word here for this. Someone from, Italy, Mexico, Korea (she now lives in San Francisco), Columbia (she now lives in Huston), and Russia (she now lives in Utah), Canada and people all over the US. I’m pretty excited that one of my classmates from NagaSita’s class is there with me as are three people I know from the Costa Rica retreats. So I have a ton of support here and I hope I’ll just gain more from getting to know the women here.
When we took a break Rachel came over to talk to me. And said that she heard what happened between Matt and me. And asked what’s going on and if we were still having sex. I told her no that that was one of the reasons we aren’t together anymore. She says that we are handling this rather adult like. I can’t say I always agree as there is a lot of stuff that didn’t use to that now drives me nuts about him.
But I am here alone in my motel and I am just diving in head first into this week. It will be a week of growth and change I am sure. Going to try to think of Matt as little as possible and just work on myself, might be hard but I have to try. This week is for ME.
But this is awesome where else can you bellydance to Tom Waits, Thunderheist, Mos Def, just to name a little bit of the music that Rachel put on today. I will have to see what tomorrow holds. I think it is time for me to go take a LONG HOT shower and get a cup of tea and wind down for the night. I’ll post more later.