Conundrum

Song~ I Don’t Wanna by Within Temptation

Scent: ScherezadeA master storyteller who possessed unfailing courage and compassion, a sharp, quick wit, and a true understanding of human nature. Saffron and Middle Eastern spices swirled through sensual red musk.

Okay I know my Saturn’s Return kinda bitch slapped me across the face with telling me that I really shouldn’t stay married to Matt for my own personal health mental, and spiritual mostly. But I’m still planning on my BS in Exercise Science , tomorrow I start the 8 Elements workshop. I am making progress towards what I want to be when I “grow up”. Granted not as fast as I want to but I’m still working towards it. But even in all my sadness and change I really do see this as a start of something new as well.

But…

Matt I am not sure he is OK right now.  He pretends to be but I’m not sure if he really is. And now we have learned that Borders the whole Company has been sold to liquidators, ans it is said that all stores will be closed by September. I’m not sure what Matt did to get this back-lash really. He loses his wife and his employment in one summer.

Here’s my conundrum. He’s a sweet guy I am not taking him back as a partner and I feel bad all this shit is happening to him. Yet there is a part of me that has said “You did this all to yourself. You reap what you sow”   I mean he knew since February that Borders was going under and he could have really been looking for a new job but he hasn’t. He could have been working really working on our relationship coming to be with me holding me, paying attention to me!

So I do feel bad for him but I don’t feel that bad for him and that makes me feel worse like I’m a bad person and not caring about him.

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