Song: Fire and Ice by Within Temptation

Scent: Berry Moon 2011~ A sensuous, deep berry bouquet: blackberries, raspberries, and blueberries with Morello cherries, apricots, and strawberries, swirled in heady red musk and brandy.


Started back at the gym yesterday and was only able to do a half an hour. Half an hour WTF? That just really upset me majorly.  Going back to the gym today after work.


Just Struff


Song: Crushed by Collide


Scent: Bordello~ A decadent, deep perfume, lusty and luxuriant. The scent evokes images of velvet-lined Old West cathouses, tightly laced corsets, rustling petticoats and coquettish snarls of pleasure. Bawdy plum with amaretto, burgundy wine and black currant.


Alright I’ve been in the real world a week so I think I’m fairly adjusted back from the amazing blissfulness that was Datura. I have held off updating in depth just to make sure I wasn’t being a crazy bitch about anything.

As it turns out I’m not! Yes Matt confessed that the reason he said he couldn’t get me on Sunday was he really just didn’t want to. Thankfully I had Anne and Molly. Then I get home and into my room and my computer and I find ut that someone’s been using my computer because I wasn’t the one visiting “Lustful games” at 11pm on Tuesday the 19th of July. Also he forgot to log out of Facebook so when I got home it logged into Matt’s facebook account. And to my shock and horror, he was getting in touch with a ton of his old ex’s and he was telling them things like “I’m a free man” and “yes I’m getting a divorce so I can finally be my ‘true’ self” well that was a huge slap in the face.

 And apparently while I was gone he was ‘hanging out’ with a lot of his ex’s. This explains why there were no dishes done the while I was gone and we were starting to get flies. But for someone not being there that often there were a ton of empty Dr. Pepper and coke bottles around the couch. I guess the cats went on a soda binge while I was gone.

 So I’ve been looking for new places to live and roommates that will allow pets. As much as I hate to we are going to have to split up the pets. I would take Ghost and Spooky because they have been together all their lives and I honestly think Spooky would handle being away from Matt easier than Ghost would being away from me.

  So on I started looking I found a place on Craigslist that’s like $250 a month and allows pets.    And a place on Uloop that’s a 23 year old female looking for a female roommate. Little did I know that Matt was already looking up places and he didn’t care if they allowed pets or not. He found a 1 bedroom for $400-something that doesn’t allow pets.  

 We both took a look at the house that’s $250 a month. I mean it wasn’t that bad but not really where I would want to live for two years. So I am hoping things work out with the girl on Thursday. So I suggested Matt should take the room. And he is still wanting to go to the $400 place and just “find other places” for Dante and Kismet to live.

 That totally pissed me off I can understand not wanting to live in that house it really wasn’t all that appealing but when not keep looking for a place that WILL allow you to have pets? Nope he doesn’t want to because he’s a huge ass it seems. So I’m looking wherever I can for a place that will allow ALL my pets as Matt would rather give them up then really look harder for a place that allows pets.

 For me being an ass to me I don’t really care but telling me that you don’t want to take care of the pets? That’s just crossing a line with me. And the only reason I can see for Matt wanting to live ‘alone’  is so his mom can come over and clean while he’s doing ‘other things’ for crying out loud he hasn’t even really started looking for another job and owes me $158 in rent. Oh well they are my babies and I won’t abandon them.


Dance Names 1

Day 5

Song: A Devil Between Us by Diplo

Svent: VILF~ Vampire smut: patchouli-infused honey, red musk, red sandalwood, red ginger, pink pepper, Peru balsam, dark Eastern florals, Himalayan cedar, smoky vanilla, bitter clove, and leather.

Last day it was strange because it seemed like I had been there for years yet no long enough at all. That morning I had to go see if I could book another night in my room. I almost wasn’t able to the motel was pretty full. But they did some moving around and I was able to stay there for another night for an extra $85. Yeah because I’m rolling in cash! Matt came to get most of my stuff since I wasn’t sure how much room Anne had in her car and it was sort of last minute I didn’t want to be too much of a burden. Matt showed up at 9am and was uber stand off-ish to me he took most of my stuff and when I told him that I’m very lucky I could stay at the motel because it was pretty full he just shrugged. Honestly it left me in a pretty pissy mood before the heading to Datura.

But while I was heading to Datura I was texting my best friend and as I was heading to to the studio a butterfly brushed past my right ankle. And the Butterfly symbolizes many, many things like:  transition, dance, celebration, Soul,  passionate bonds,  and grace and eloquence. Just to name a few. So really that left me pretty hopeful for that day. Maybe not “pepped” but hopeful and got me out of my pissy mood. So while getting ready to go into the last day, the test day it was pretty good.

During morning check in I started I was hopeful and why. My poor “Happy” was so worried about the test since her English isn’t that good. That day it was also getting very very warm.

That day was really kind of a blur. I remember that we started doing call and response with the motifs we worked on the day before. Then there was an hour break before THE TEST. It was 14 questions 10 written and 4 demonstration. After all was said and done we all had to leave Datura so they could set up for the party.

As I was walking to the party after my shower and rest I ran into Allie who said I smelled really good. Pf course I did I smelled like Vampire Smut why wouldn’t I smell good? Then we got to the party and Lacy said someone smelled really good and Rachel’s comment was “It’s probably Em” yup because I smelled like vampire smut! After a little bit Happy told me that Rachel said she passed so I had to know if I did or not.

So we all circled around for the last time. Sol told us all to get a beer. Rachel said that not everyone got 100% on the test but we all  passed. Then she put on the Linus and Lucy song for our victory dance. It was so much fun. I think I had 3 ‘glasses’ of wine. And we all had to leave about 11pm. Sad but understandable. So I walked back to the motel and passed so I could get up and Anne could take me home.

That was the end of a life changing week. Well only 5 days but still. Life changing all the same. Getting back to the real world had been strange but that’s another post.

Drivers Test

I just set up my drivers test for Aug 17th at 10:40 am. 🙂 Wish me luck

Practice Contract

I will look at this Contract at least once a Day.

Short Term Goals:

  • Do Lower abdominal contractions 30 every other day to build up to 90×90
  • 3 times a week work with Serpentine DVD for at least 20 minutes
  • Dance in front of a mirror once a week
  • 20 minutes a day 3 times a week for a month you will practice your belly rolls
  • Will Meditate for 30 minutes twice a week. To help calm and center
  • Go to the gym 4 days a week for 65 minutes
  • Get Drivers License ( Aug 17th at 10:40 am)

Mid Length Goals – To be started October 1st 2011 till Jan 1 2012

  •  Start doing my 90×90
  • Go to gym 5 days a week for 75 minutes
  • Use this Blog as my Practice Journal
  • Start going to Ashley Lopez’s dance class at least 2x a month
  • Cook with a new vegetable at least once a month
  • 4 times a week work with Serpentine DVD for at least 30 minutes

Long Term Goals Now till Aug 2012

  • Work with NagaSita on Choreography
  • Make Costume with Katy
  • Go to gym 6 days a week for 90 minutes
  • Practice in front of at least 3 friends once a month
  • Save and go to different workshops
  • Start using the Stacking Method™ at least 2 times a week in personal practice
  • Find a Dance Stage Name

All this is working towards my very first performance that will be between now and Aug 2012. I will be performing to Collide’s Cover to Baby Did a Bad Bad Thing in a stunning Victorian Gothic inspired costume

Day 4

Song: Linus & Lucy from The Peanuts

Scent: Supportive Sun~ Heliotrope, amber, almond flower, frangipani, cedar, and calamus

Even after my ‘pep’ talk phone call I was still feeling like I was drowning. I even said that during my one word check in that morning while trying not to cry.  That was a hard day. A lot of us were tired and crying on the phone to my Twin the night before telling him that I couldn’t finish the workshop didn’t help any less with the tiredness. But I needed the phone call or I would have done something stupid. I was about to do something stupid right before he called. He tried but I just couldn’t get “pepped” mostly it was because I thought I sucked at dance and didn’t belong in the workshop.  I was sure that that would have been my last day of the workshop and I just wouldn’t go to Datura on Saturday.

Rachel started talking to us about improvisation. And well even though no one was looking at me I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t dance in a room full of people and  not other dancers.  Rachel then split us up and we had to pick a partner then one partner danced and the other watches. I almost didn’t dance when it was my turn it was hard not to start crying, but I did dance by myself.  After that Rachel talked to us about dancing inprov to drum solos, then told everyone that, it was my first time dancing along in front of people so the WHOLE class gave me a hug. Of course that made me cry. And “Happy” gave me many hugs and kisses. I miss her.  Then Lunch went and had lunch at the food carts with Tabra. I love Portland for that reason. And thai iced tea with coconut milk? *drools*

We warmed up to Linus and Lucy. Rachel had us do that last year in Costa Rica, so Sonia, Happy, Shanti and I all knew what was going on before she put on the music. But it was fun and we all laughed. So no matter what when I hear that I picture a bunch of belly dancer dancing in a circle, laughing and giggling.  Then we worked on making 8 count motifs and joining them with someone else’s, I paired up with Anne. Then Rachel gave us a foot pattern and we made up arms. I really like Rachel’s “Staking Method”. Sometimes it makes me feel like I should be on the short bus but other times it clicks.

I also found out at that day at 1pm that Matt couldn’t get me after the party on Saturday. So I either had to book another night in my room or find a place to crash. He also didn’t want to pick me up on Sunday because he wanted to go to Church before work rather than getting me or that he worked at noon and just didn’t want to come and get me that early. So I had to scramble to get a ride home. Thankfully Anne lives in Eugene and she said she could give me a ride home since it’s not that far out of her way.

So I danced in front of people. The most terrifying thing I have ever done in my life.